Almost Speechless

... almost ...

See this picture?

Yes, you guessed right.

A new adoptive mama meeting her daughter for the first time. A mother who has been there done that - as far as adoption is concerned. She is what many might call a 'seasoned' mother in the realm of adoption as her and her husband have been on this journey many many times.

But...

This time it's a bit different.

Go back to that picture above. At first glance you might think that little girl with frail features is an infant, or maybe a toddler. No.

TWELVE.

Twelve years old.

No words can describe the amount of hurt, neglect, starvation, loneliness, etc that this sweet child has endured.

But, my friend Jenny, who is soon to be that little girl's mommy - is also meeting other children that she is adopting from this same orphanage in Bulgaria.

Look below.

This little one.

Jenny and her husband are also working to bring this little girl home (along with two other children I don't have pictured).

Go ahead. Guess.

She is FIFTEEN years old

My reason for this post? Is it to shock you?

Maybe.

Maybe it is. Maybe I just want to remind, both myself, and you that these children exist. I don't want to forget that all it takes is someone reaching out, as the Sousa-Brown family has, and love these children, as Christ desires us to. To show them that they, too, are valuable - worthy of redemption. That they have meaning. That they have not been forgotten, left with no voice or hope.

Praise God for these girls finally knowing that love.

~ think of the 147 million orphans worldwide who do not~

You can visit the Sousa-Brown's family blog here

You can learn more about the orphanage these girls have been tucked away in here

Life

There has been a bunch of articles posted lately that I have run across. These articles have all dealt with the same general topic: life. More specifically they have been focused on the new MaterniT21 genetic screening (manufactured by Sequenom). A blood test designed to be administered early on in a woman's pregnancy with the intention of screening out wether a woman is carrying a child with one of three types of Trisomy; Trisomy 21 (most common form of Down syndrome), Trisomy 18, and Trisomy 13. Yes, there has been genetic screening around for sometime now, but as most women know - the accuracy rate is weak and many times yields a false positive - it (CVS panel) is also typically given a bit later in the pregnancy. The other option available for screening is an amniocentesis - which is quite invasive and comes with the danger of miscarriage. So ... you can imagine the hype amongst the medical community once this new test became approved and available this last fall. Even though the test costs a whopping $1200/testing the hope is that insurance will eventually work to cover the cost given the amounts of money they will eventually save in diagnosing Down syndrome iand giving women the option of abortion much earlier on in their pregnancy.

I can't tell you how this new test grieves my heart. Already, even with the inaccurate testing available, the termination rate amongst those women receiving a prenatal Ds diagnosis is above that of 90%. Now, just for a moment, think. What do you think will happen now that there is a test available known for it's accuracy, as well as it's ability to yield results as early as ten weeks gestation? Do you think that statistic will increase or decrease?

The answer is so very clear.

Some may say that this is just a better way of being more prepared. I wish it were that simple. However, while that may be the intent of some - statistics show that most are using the already existing tests as a way to weed out the children that they deem not acceptable, or too burdensome. If a woman is tested sooner in her pregnancy, before she is even showing, before she has had the time to become really emotionally connected to the growing baby inside her - I can't help but imagine that the prospect of abortion is a little bit more acceptable to her.

The bigger picture?

What about the Down syndrome community as a whole? What is the world afraid of? The widely accepted view that those with Ds are gentle spirits? The fact that those around them tend to claim a more enriched life? Is the world so frightened by the absolute love in this people that it is too unbearable? If already 90% of those diagnosed prenatally are aborting, what will happen to the population of those with Ds after this new and improved test becomes more widely used?

When I look into his eyes, I see nothing frightening. I see joy, love, potential, a sweet spirit, and an absolute blessing that has touched the lives of so many people and changed perspectives in a profound way.

But ... for every one of Justus' you see ... there are nine others that were not allowed an opportunity of life. Their families never realized that joy, love, or potential. They were gripped by fear of the unknown and a test allowed them a way out.

This new test promises a much earlier opportunity for that way out ....

... and for many more children to never have that chance of life.

Max's Day

Just a quick post on Max's seventh birthday.

It was a quiet and low key one, because I was home sick with Justus and Ivanna - Max and the rest of the crew went to church that morning. Apparently the cupcakes I made for his sunday school class were a hit ... and Max ate three of them.

Then, on the way home from church, Daddy stopped at McDonald's and picked up lunch for all. Max's absolute favorite thing to eat is french fries. So ... alas ... we celebrated with fries and cake!

After cake, Max opened gifts. He got a puzzle and a nice big red Tonka ambulance to go with his fire truck. He was THRILLED!

We love our little Maxi Pants. He is such a joy! Really ... this kid loves to giggle and laugh. He hardly ever complains. I never see him blatantly hurt another child. He is so easy tempered and everyone loves his demeanor. We are so grateful to have him in our family, and look forward to celebrating more birthdays in the future!

Max Turns Seven

Happy Birthday Max!!!

Max turns seven tomorrow (Sunday).

I almost can't believe it myself. He in many ways is still such a little peanut of a boy. Still wears a 4T and size 8 shoe, but despite his tiny frame - he has made BIG strides in his development since his last birthday.

This boy is very smart! He mimics easily and that makes learning signs enjoyable and fairly fast. This helps so much in trying to communicate with him. I hope that soon he will start signing without prompting, letting us know what he needs or wants on his own.

He has also started to try and vocalize a bit more. Not only does he mimic signs, but if you slow your speech and make it obvious that you desire for him to try and repeat what you say, he will TRY!!! This is a huge improvement from where he was last year.

We look forward to celebrating his birthday tomorrow in a very low key fashion. We will pack along cupcakes for Max to take along to Sunday school (don't worry moms, they are white with white frosting!!! lol) and on the way home we will pick up Max's all time favorite treat ... french fries. Presents and cake will await us at home, and don't worry - pictures will be taken!

Last year as we celebrated Max's birthday I couldn't help but think of two things: one being his biological mother. I don't know very much about her - other than she did keep Max for nearly a year and a half before she took him to the orphanage. (This is very uncommon in Eastern Europe) I am grateful that he did have that time with her, and no doubt was loved and invested in. I can only assume that perhaps his struggle with pneumonias or a late diagnosis of Down syndrome is what led her to forfeiting her parental rights to him. Regardless, while we celebrate his birthday I can't help but think that this day is a painful reminder to her. It is my sincere prayer that she finds peace that Christ can offer.

My second thought lingers briefly over the "what ifs". If Max had never been adopted, he would at this very moment in time, be in a mental institution due to his age. Locked away for the rest of his life, simply because he has an extra chromosome. His particular orphanage only keeps a child until they are six, at which time they are transferred to an insane asylum (the locals call it that). I can't help but feel complete gratitude to our Lord for allowing us to fall in love with Max's picture and allow a burden to root that would be the catalyst in flying half way around the world to discover our new son. Max no longer is one that has to dread impending birthdays, but celebrate as children should.

Max is amazing. He is such a joy, loves to laugh and giggle. He is easy going and learns pretty quickly. He is one handsome little dude and it is not uncommon for him to draw attention because of his unavoidable cuteness.

Max, we love you so very much. Happy birthday my little Maxi pants!

It Happened

It happened. I knew it would ... someday. I knew it ... but nonetheless, I was not expecting it at that moment, and it hurt.

This last Monday Ivanna had an appointment with our wonderful pediatric ophthalmologist in our area, and so she and I were sitting in the waiting area. No big deal. However, we have taken to the routine of no longer giving her naps, so that she will sleep through the nights. Trade off? She gets a little squirmy in the afternoon, especially in public places. When she is tired, she tends to make more noises, fidget and just act a bit restless in general. To me? Just Ivanna. To my other kids ... just Ivanna. But ... to others ... a little different.

There were three other little girls in the waiting area with their parents. While I struggled to keep Ivanna calm and reassure her by rubbing her hands, etc. - I noticed that these sweet little girls were not playing in the play area, or reading books, or giggling or talking to one another. They squarely had their eyes locked on Ivanna. So much so that their Mother sort of gently tried to divert their attention ... with no luck.

What these little girls were doing was NORMAL, it was fine, it should not have bothered me. To them ... Ivanna was different, acting differently, looked different. I even had a moment of sympathy as the Mother who was red faced, tried to scoot their stares away from my little girl. I felt her embarrassment, I have been there before.

I blame pregnancy ... hormones ... lack of sleep ... whatever. But at that very moment I fought my tears. I swallowed hard as I kissed Ivanna's cheek. Why? Why was that so hard for me. It's normal. I have even expected it, and really those little girls were doing nothing derogatory. They were just curious.

I have thought about that moment off and on this week. I don't typically get emotional about things like that ... and like I said, it could be that perhaps I am a little sensitive lately. However, I can't help but draw a parallel.

Retard.

That word. Never has it really bothered me. Mostly because I think the general population uses it so flippantly. So mindlessly. Not intending to hurt one particular group of people. Even after giving birth to Justus, people would slip and use that word in front of me, then catch themselves and apologize - but I really wasn't hurt by the word. Perhaps I even felt sorry for their juvenile expression as sounding inept, but never did it hurt my feelings.

But now ... I think of that moment in the waiting area. Those little girls intended nothing by their stares, and thankfully my sweet Ivanna was completely oblivious to the fact that she was drawing such attention. But still ... it hurt. It was an awful feeling to be confronted that yes, my daughter - and Justus and Max are different. Different to the point of sometimes being a spectacle. Different in the sense that they may not always act how others deem appropriate, and this will cause reactions. Different as deemed by others NEGATIVELY. Not different as I have come to celebrate it ... beautiful, joyful, full of spirit, unique, strong, so full of love.

So ... what if?

What if Ivanna had caught the glimmer of their curiosity? What if when Justus is older he overhears someone saying retard? What if Max questions why that word is used to define people (and him) in a derogatory fashion? What then?

I trust God will give our family the ability to graciously deal with those feelings and questions if and when they present themselves. However, I also know the hurt I felt on Monday in that waiting area. I realized the impact of a simple stare. I truly pray that my children don't endure hurt hearts simply because they exhibit different traits or behaviors. More than that ... I do believe now that God sort of opened my heart to the realization that I may need to gently remind those in our midst that the word 'retard' is just unnecessary. Now while my children are young, is a perfect time to learn that lesson.

Words do matter.

I'm also grateful God does things like opens your eyes through small little situations. Opens your heart through circumstances. All so you can learn and become better at what you do. For me, it's being mindful of how those stares or that word could impact my child.

Thanks for visiting. Please excuse the post dripping with emotion. ;)

Talent and Victories Abound

Max has just recently shown us his talented dancing. Here he is dancing as Isaac plays the piano. Cute stuff. Try not to fall out of your chair from such cuteness ...

These next set of pictures show another HUGE accomplishment in the Browning house! Justus is now a walker!!!

So very proud of himself!

Yay!!! Big boy!!!! I can't express how proud I am of you sweet Justus!

*just a question thrown out there to you fellow bloggers ... what is the easiest way to post a video from your iPhone?

Burdened to pray

I will admit that when we first arrived home last year with Max and Ivanna, viewing the the faces and images of children still in the many countries awaiting families was ... hard. I truly did not have it in me ... and being so busy I would often avoid clicking on links, or visiting the Reece's Rainbow site. Not because I didn't care ... but because my heart literally aches so heavily in my chest - that at times I feel as though it will burst.

You see, I have come to a realization that my family and I are limited in our abilities. Yes, we have welcomed and adopted Max and Ivanna into our homes, thus also saving them from a dire fate ... but we, unlike our heavenly father are unable to save every darling soul whose images are sometimes so difficult to turn away from on my computer screen.

Why the hurt, after all we brought home two precious children?

I know that behind each "image" is a real and hurting child. I know that there are places within our world that these children reside in that do not offer the care they need. I look at Justus, or Max, or Ivanna and I see joy, love, and accomplishments. I know this is not what these children listed are experiencing. I have seen it, smelled it, and experienced what their day must be like.

I can't help it. I feel helpless and wimpy at times. I feel as though we have not done enough.

That is when I do all that I know how to do. I pray. I pray for each set of almond shaped eyes, each little round nose, each child to have adequate care, to experience joy, and to experience the love of our Father through gaining a family.

Tonight I am especially burdened. Over one particular region. Region 16 as listed on the Reece's Rainbow site.

Look at these faces ... and be burdened.

I think of Ekaterina. Beautiful baby girl. But ...

... that picture was taken long ago. This is her now. This is what having no family, no investment, and residing no doubt - in her crib have gotten her. My heart breaks ...

I think of Nathan. Robust, chubby, just like a baby should be. But ...

... again that picture above was taken years ago. No longer robust. No longer chubby. Eyes darkened with circles, and propped against his crib as if it is his jail cell.

My heart breaks ... again.

And then I see these faces. Beautiful. Still healthy looking. But all in the same region. Doomed to the same fate.

Pray.

Pray that these children along with Ekaterina and Nathan will be rescued. REDEEMED.

Pray for Dimitry

Pray for Brock.

(look, look at his smile - may it not be hidden away until it is lost)

Pray for the other children in Region 16. Pray for ALL the faces you skim through that await families. Be burdened and pray.

You can click here to visit Region 16.

I may be limited. But God is not, for He is able ...

2011 In Pictures

Whew! What a year. What a post! I will warn you that this post is picture HEAVY. I just couldn't pass some of them up. I sort of cheated as I went back into December 2010 for a few of these first photos. I just felt it told the story of Max and Ivanna a bit better. Just take a moment and rejoice with me as you witness through these images of just how greatly God has worked especially in little Ivanna this past year. She no longer is a weak little 20 pound five year old. Nope. She is a strong, walking, super heavy 37 pound six year old now! She also no longer has to have a spoon tied to her wrist with a hair scrunchy. Nope. She holds it and can feed herself!

God has done great things.

2011 was so full of different happenings. Some were great and wonderful times of rejoicing ... like Ivanna's milestones. Some were periods of self contemplation as we all adjusted to this wonderful journey of adoption. Some were just plain difficult and full of heartache as we said good - bye to my Dad, as he passed away very unexpectedly and most assuredly is missed.

But ... still ... God has done great and mighty things.

Happy New Year. May it be one that you will draw closer unto Christ!

*Most of these will not have explanations ... more like a photo journalling. Enjoy! *

First steps to walking